I’m going to hurt you. Not intentionally, mind you, but through my carelessness and imperfect words or actions, at some point you will likely feel hurt by me. And you will almost certainly hurt me. This is a fact of life together in a sinful world. It doesn’t matter if we are biological family, family by choice, or spiritual family. We all live together and rely on each other to varying degrees, and we all “fall short of the glory of God” (Romans 3:23), thus the wounds continue.
The wounds are usually small, and easily forgotten—but not always. The question is, what do we do about it? If they come from people we simply cannot avoid, we are more likely to address the issue head-on. We talk it out. We admit our failings and our hurts. Ideally, forgiveness follows. As a result, like a broken bone, the relationship grows stronger in the healing. Some try to stuff the negative feelings because confrontation is uncomfortable, but we all know that isn’t healthy, and often leads to worse problems down the road. If we are hurt by people we can choose to avoid, that is often what we do—even to the point of switching churches sometimes. This is a shame because it robs us of the opportunity to grow in humility, honesty, and love. It also denies us forgiveness (whether granting or receiving). Can we forgive without feeling it? Absolutely. We decide to forgive, and follow it up with appropriate actions. We need not wait on the feelings to do the right thing.
Living in community is three parts love and seven parts forgiveness. That means true community cannot exist without forgiveness. Someone who continually chose to avoid confrontation by changing social circles would always be on the search for “better” friends who will never hurt them, and as a result, never be truly home. There is a great deal that divides us, but if we start with love, as Christ did, everything else is secondary.
